Saying goodbye to elderly mom whose suffering finally at an end

Darlene Vann says goodbye to her mom, 92 / Headline SurferHeadline Surfer community columnist Darlene Vann, whose 'Musings' column has been a part of the award-winning internet news site since its launch on April 7, 2008, is shown in the inset of this image with her mom, Marguerite Fulton, who has since passed away. 
 
Marguerite Fulton died Monday, Jan. 15, 2018, in the Edgewater, Florida, home she shared with her daughter, Darlene Vann, who was at her bedside when she passed peacefully, her pain and suffering finally at an end after several months of hospice care. She was 92.
Marguerite (nee) Tiberio Duncan Fulton, was born on Oct. 27, 1925, in New Milford, Conn., to Joseph and Gladys Tiberio. Besides her only child, Darlene Vann, she is survived by a younger sister in Vermont and 11 nieces and nephews in Connecticut, Vermont, Arizona and California. Besides her parents and her ex-husbands, Ms. Fulton is pre-deceased by an older brother and sister.
Ms. Fulton attended New Milford High School and later married and divorced twice. She was a longtime insurance and commercial real estate broker, in Brookfield, Conn., moving to Central Florida in 1963, and continuing her career before semi-retiring at age 85. A very astute businesswoman, Ms. Fulton was well into her 90 with people still calling on her for advice on professional and personal matters.
Editor's Note: What follows is Darlene Vann's reflections on her mother's passing... 
 
Darlene Vann / Headline Surfer®By DARLENE VANN
Musings
Headline Surfer

EDGEWATER, Fla. -- Today marks 10 days since my Mom’s departure from this earth.

I hope I never have to live through something like that again in this lifetime. It was so very hard to watch her to go from her normal 160 pounds to a skeletal probably 65 /70 pounds. Having to hear her cry out when she had to be moved or cleaned was like torture to me. Many times she would yell my name and ask me to stop them from doing this to her. I would go into the room and explain why what was happening was necessary and would be over soon. The worst of it all is her loss of dignity through it all.

Unless we drop dead of a heart attack we all will end up having strangers washing and diapering and dressing us. We won’t like it but it must be done. We should at least be able to keep our dignity 'til death but sadly that is not to be. Near the very end, she spent 24/7 moaning or contiguously repeating, “oh, oh, oh".

She was not in pain because we had plenty of medications for her as well as anti-anxiety pills she got regularly. It was tough getting the pills down with applesauce or getting her to drink at that time. She had been doing well till then and ensure was what kept her alive from end of July to Jan 15th.

We tried to get her to eat things when she came home, but she just wouldn’t and actually hadn’t eaten much of anything substantive since Aug. 2. Being an only child, I had only myself to rely on and my wonderful caregiver, Melissa, who did a great job keeping her clean, dry and sore free as well as hydrated. She also kept me laughing so I didn’t go completely out of my mind.

I would never have made it through it all without her. God will surely bless her for all she did.

Looking back, apparently I had to go through all that so that when the end came it was a relief to me that she was not suffering any more. I think that is why I am handling things as well as I am. My friends are around me and they took over that day and did what was needed and just brought me my hot tea and sat with me as Hospice came and went then Funeral Home arrived.

I have the best friends in the world and there aren’t enough thanks in the entire world for all they did and are still doing. 

Looking back, apparently I had to go through all that so that when the end came it was a relief to me that she was not suffering any more. I think that is why I am handling things as well as I am. My friends are around me and they took over that day and did what was needed and just brought me my hot tea and sat with me as Hospice came and went then Funeral Home arrived.

I have the best friends in the world and there aren’t enough thanks in the entire world for all they did and are still doing. My prayer for all of you is that you don’t have to go through this with any of your loved ones. 

It was a nightmare I don’t want to repeat.

Darlene Vann Picture

Short Bio

Musings By Darlene Vann
Darlene Vann is a resident of Edgewater and has been with the 24/7 Internet newspaper from the onset. She likes to write about the lighter side of life, but sometimes feels compelled to tackle some of the tougher issues. The blog, "Musings" (and its contents), is the sole copyright-protected intellectual property of NSB News LLC, and cannot be reproduced, copied or published in whole or in part elsewhere without the prior expressed written permission of the publisher. NSBNews.net, VolusiaNews.net and HeadlineSurfer.com are owned by NSB News LLC. All three domains fall under the umbrella of Headline Surfer, a registered trademark.