By STAN ESCUDERODAYTONA BEACH, Fla. -- Former National Security Adviser Susan Rice, the woman who lied to us about Benghazi, Bowe Bergdahl’s “honorable “ service, and her unmasking of the names of Americans incidentally included in intelligence intercepts, was given four pinocchios by the Washington Post for lying yet again – this time about the removal of chemical weapons from Syria.
While this should surprise no one, it has led to a major growth crisis within the Democrat Party which may eventually endanger us all.
The problem is that Ms. Rice’s nose has grown to near Clintonian proportion. It has reached a length which challenges that of Hillary Clinton, whose nose has long been the longest in human history. And, as Ms. Rice continues to lie about her past lies, her nose shows no sign of stopping.
To Mrs. Clinton’s credit she is actively defending her title. In hopes of further proboscidean extension she has spoken about her second presidential election loss, heaping blame on those who hate successful women, the FBI Director, the devious Russians and anyone but herself. But because she is well known to be a corrupt, mean-spirited serial failure, her efforts have nudged her nose forward only a little. With the dedicated support of the Democrat Party leadership, much of the media and academe, and liberal lunatics everywhere, a major snout-stretching fairy tale is being perpetrated claiming that the Trump Administration is somehow in league with Moscow.
Other than helping to bury the Dems under a smelly mass of absurdity, this myth has had no political effect. But it is so enlarging the size of the noses of both women, not to mention those of other Democrat spokespersons and their media allies, that is has brought on a dangerous crisis of growth.
In the short term this has had no impact save for the need for the invention of new photo-shopping techniques and the construction of support mechanisms to keep both women from falling forward due to the unsustainable weight on their faces. But there are serious future problems.
Massive crop failures are predicted as the shadows cast by these vast promontories shade out our agricultural lands.
The 97% of scientists who support global warming have come forward with a fresh set of calculations showing that the Hillary/Rice exhalations of carbon dioxide will soon enhance climate change. And they fear more immediate consequences. I mean, in the immortal words of Cyrano de Bergerac, “When it bleeds, the Red Sea! And when it blows, a hurricane!”
The 97% of scientists who support global warming have come forward with a fresh set of calculations showing that the Hillary/Rice exhalations of carbon dioxide will soon enhance climate change. And they fear more immediate consequences. I mean, in the immortal words of Cyrano de Bergerac, “When it bleeds, the Red Sea! And when it blows, a hurricane!”
Still, there is worse to come. Liberal physicists have proven that, at the current rate of nasal growth, the accelerating increase of snout mass will be so great that it will soon consume all the energy and matter of the universe as the two competing noses rush outward at the speed of light.
Horrifyingly, there are no safe spaces which would protect against such a catastrophe.
Clearly this is an existential crisis, and the Democrats have begun to consider solutions. It is reported that they are forming a nasal task force of Hollywood rhinoplastic surgeons whose job it would be to trim back nose growth as it happens and keep these vast facial eruptions to manageable proportions. However, at the start they have encountered two problems: there are not enough plastic surgeons to do the work and; they have been unable to find a government program to pay for it. But all is not lost.
Several firms run by Clinton associates with close ties to the Democrat Party, the former Obama Administration and the Clinton Foundation have agreed to conduct studies and recommend solutions to be implemented by the next Dem administration. It is understood that all their recommendations will involve greater government control and substantial tax increases.
There is of course a simple and effective Republican solution which would avert this crisis and save our country and the world. Tell the truth and behave with integrity for the good of America. But we cannot expect either of these from the Democrats as “truth” and “integrity” do not exist in their vocabulary.