This blog is dedicated to Donna Marcotte, 42, and Gary Crane, 48, who are getting married June 21. Miss Marcotte and I entered into a discussion of how to tell when you have chosen a good partner. I presented some of the ideas contained in this blog for finding warning signals of a bad choice. After all, June weddings are very popular and, of course, half of all marriages end in divorce.
She was emphatic that her husband-to-be exhibits none of the warning signals we talked about.
In honor of this New Smyrna Beach couple and all of the young people contemplating marriage, I present the following collection of "warning signs" collected in over 60 years of close "scientific" observation.
To start the discussion, note that some are drawn to people of foreign backgrounds because of the intriguing differences.
In this case there are certain situations people, especially women, should be aware of.
First of all if, if Americans have no rights in their beloved’s country that can lead to big troubles in the future.
Women should be sensitive to cultural oddities. For instance they might ask if wives are routinely beaten or sold into slavery for displeasing their husbands.
If the country’s national anthem contains the phrase “death to all Americans” it should be taken as a warning.
If they have a religion which believes that you can get to heaven by killing an American you should be wary.
Finally, note that if the women walk in front of the men in a certain culture, it may not be a symbol of respect. It may simply be their way of coping with the land-mine problem.
Leaving the warning signs for foreigners it should be noted that anyone worth his or her salt can hide serious flaws for long periods of time. However, there is an early warning system known as their parents and family.
It is a true miracle if a serious flaw in the parents fails to show up in the children. So be vigilant when you are with your intended’s family. A few warning signs you might look for are:
# Does one spouse have a tendency to flinch when the other approaches?
# Does the mother exhibit more tattoo than skin on her body?
# Do they have graffiti and phone numbers on their own bathroom walls?
# Do they amuse themselves by tossing the neighbors pets into the tree shredder. If so, you can leave now or spend the rest of your life wandering when your turn will come.
# Is their alcohol budget larger than their rent?
# Do they use the dictionary as a source of toilet paper?
The list goes on but the signs are often there for those alert enough to pick them up.
Once you get past the “family test” you need to take a close look at your intended.
You should pay careful attention to his or her actions and attitudes. Some of the pressing questions or points to ponder are:
# Did he or she kick your family dog the first time the two met?
# Do they define a career as holding a job long enough to be eligible for unemployment benefits?
# Do they say they need another charge card because the first six are maxed out?
# Religion is usually a positive thing but regular prayers to the porcelain god caused by imbibing too many spirits is a bad thing.
# Do they say that they are always turned on by the sight of snow and they have never been north of Jacksonville ?
# Are they always unavailable on weekends and holidays?
# Do they swear that they have seen Elvis on many occasions?
# Do they tell you that although they have lied and cheated on their previous partners they would never lie or cheat on you?
# Finally, if they express too much interest in going to the next New Orleans Mardi Gras celebration, that could be a warning sign.
The list goes on and on but this is enough to get you started. This blog topic can be taken any way you want to. The younger people often think that it is written solely for their amusement.
On the other hand, some of the older readers may wonder if maybe their former son- or daughter-in-law inspired part or all of the blog. The people who actually did inspire this blog will remain anonymous.
For all you June brides and grooms, you have been warned. I have seen the grief that comes from ignoring or failing to see these warning signs. You ignore them at your peril.