In the past, I relegated my blog to discussing moral issues regarding the impact of silence. Yet, to my shame, I left my own passion and obligation in the balance. That would probably explain why my blogs have been so sporadic with little focus. Thus, I have decided to switch my focus to discussing teens and issues surrounding them.
As being silent in this area, it can truly make a sound down the road not worth waiting to hear. If we do not know how to handle the teens in our own home, the sound of waywardness of the next generation will be deafening.
I chose to start this blog with the topic of talking back because as a teacher for over 15 years the students are become more disruptive, less attentive, more disrespectful, and less compassionate towards their fellowmen. It stems from the home.
I hear them on their cell phones talking to their parents in a manner not even fit for an acquaintance. How we manage our children at home is a direct reflection of their behavior abroad. Talking back is the beginning of disruptive behavior. Talking back should never be tolerated.
I hear them on their cell phones talking to their parents in a manner not even fit for an acquaintance. How we manage our children at home is a direct reflection of their behavior abroad. Talking back is the beginning of disruptive behavior.Talking back should never be tolerated.
Spirited debates and opinions are allowed within reason. However, yelling, screaming, and adamant “no’s” are simply unacceptable. Speech like “Forget You”, “Shut-up”, “You’re stupid”, “Leave me alone” or stomping to the room and slamming the door should never be tolerated from any age group.
Anything short of yes or no, is borderline rude.
Before I begin, we as parents tend to be ‘unfair’ in the eyes of teens and ‘deserve’ to be spoken back to in the same level of tone or disrespect they feel. I understand that from a perspective of a teen.
However, it is still unacceptable. But to be fair we as parents sometimes must first ask: “what did I do to aggravate the situation?”
If your answers include: 1. Setting the ground rules; 2. Reminding them of the ground rules they just broke and/or; 3. Giving consequences to the rules they just broke, then there really isn’t a discussion to be had.
If they broke the rules, they must learn to live under rules set by someone in authority, if they are to be excellent employees and excellent mates.
What do we do if talking back occurs and they are too old for spankings, according to you.
• Lower your voice.
• Say “ do not talk to me that way sit down right here and let’s try this again”
• In your lowered voice, repeat the rule broken.
• Ask them “was that the rule?” “did you break it?” When they begin to explain instead of answering you, with a lowered voice simply repeat “was that the rule?” “Did you break it?”
Wait for an answer. Let them answer the questions. Do not be quick to answer for them in your anger. It will only lead to more annoyance on your part. Teens love to be heard. Do not give them the opportunity to be rude and negate the rule they just broke.
• Give them the consequence that was set when and if they broke the rule. If no consequence was set, now is the time for them to choose their own punishment.
Strong will children will surely challenge you and give you a harder time than anyone other type of child. Do not fret. Simply make them set their own punishments. They want control. Give them control over their own behavior. If you do not like the punishment set, before they make it, let them know if it is too mild you will add more. If it is too harsh, you will reduce it. Showing objectivity in time of disagreements leads to trust and later compliant obedience.
• Let them repeat the consequence.
• Stick to the consequence given, It is called “the follow through”
This all sounds simpler than it is. But as adults, we tend to forget how annoying we were as teenagers. We also expect our teens to listen intently and do everything we say.
I say this: If that is what you believe do not hold our breath, death will be eminent. Calming down, counting to 10, walking away, and letting them fret a little over the consequences about to come down the pike will make your job easier.
I have a teenage son, two tweens (age 12), and deal with teens effectively daily which qualifies me to know how it works. I tend to laugh a lot when my teen son disobeys me, which is quite rare.
I simply say “wow, he really thinks he’s runs things, didn’t he just ask me to sign his permission slip to go on the field trip?" At that point, it is in perspective and I can act accordingly and give the best punishment necessary.
Part 2 next week: They are not qualified to talk back.
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