EDGEWATER -- Our teens, as bright, quick witted, and cheek-pinching loveable they are, are truly not qualified to talk back. Qualification stems from years of learning and experience on your part as a parent and former teenager.
You know what is right based on the scars left on your feelings, as well as, the physically ones on your backsides. Therefore, teens talking back with as much authority should not be allowed.
As parents we tend to suffer from a history of former parental subjection. This subjection from our parents sounded like: "I said so, that’s why," "No, and I don’t have to tell you why," and "you’re a child, that’s why."
With such subjection some parents feel the need to kowtow to teens and let them do as they see fit. Also, we tend to explain continuously a situation we see as unfit and inappropriate until there is a consensus made. We as parents must understand our perception of our upbringing should never prevent us from doing what is right for our children.
The power of such subjection can now be yours to yield but with understanding. Just know when a parent says this, “I said so, that’s why,” they mean this: At times there is no full explanation that you can give a child of any age without a full year of explanation and experience to boot. Therefore, using such subjection is necessary to stop the back talk. A child should question authority yet, not when it undermines what is necessary for them to be compliant.
When a teen is so defiant that they question everything, it becomes a problem for them when they are adults. They cannot cope with an authority figure giving those orders without explanation. As a boss, they don’t have to explain, they prefer compliance. Compliance gives raises, bonuses, and opportunity to break the glass ceiling.
Therefore, teaching a child subjectivity through “I said so, that’s why” is not breaking their spirit. It is merely making them tougher and better competitors in the work world.
On the other hand, just to tell a teen “I said so, that’s why” to every situation will build resentment to authority. At times, explanation is necessary.
For instance, to explain in detail why they are not allowed to go to a party where parents are not present after you have already said why becomes a state of defiance. Then the subjective answer is needed. Other than that, explanation is in order. The teen needs to know they matter and they are growing up. Their separation from adolescent to teen-hood is necessary to be viable. Yet talking back should not be allowed. They are not fully qualified based on the fact they just came out of adolescent stage.
The knowledge from one year to another, in their minds, may appear vast, yet we know different. They must have experience and common knowledge of many situations to qualify them to talk back to someone who has that kind of experience.
Editor's Note: This is the second in a series on the subject of teen behavior. Here is a link to the first installment by Kerry-Anne Purkiss: http://www.nsbnews.net/content/407883-dealing-talking-back-teenager.
NSBNews.net is Florida's first fully-online 24/7 Internet newspaper launched April 7, 2008, and based in New Smyrna Beach. It is led by award-winning journalist Henry Frederick and award-winning blogger Peter Mallory with emphasis on breaking news, news of record and investigative reporting here and across the Sunshine State.
