Are you listening to your children?

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Editor's Note: The following was written by Reed Markham, associate professor, Daytona State College, New Smyrna Beach campus:

Are your children listening? This is a question many New Smyrna Beach educators ask each school year.

Lawrence Greene, author of "Improving Your Child's Schoolwork"concluded: “As children progress through school, the need for good listening skills increases dramatically. In many high schools, students can expect hours of lectures each week.

Teachers who lecture usually justify the practice by arguing that they are preparing students for the realities of college where good note taking skills are vital to academic survival. They expect students to record their pearls of wisdom and play back key information verbatim on tests.

Few teachers would admit another primary motivate for giving lectures: it is easier for them to read their own notes to their classes than to interact actively, creatively, and dynamically with their students.

” The following strategies will help develop your child’s listening skills (and maybe your own):

• First, model good listening skills.

According to Carl Smith, author of "How can Parents Model Good listening skills" observed: “Parents play an essential role in building children’s communication skills because children spend more time with their parents than with any other adult.

Parents can model good listening behavior for their children and advise them on ways to listen as an active learner, pick out highlights of a conversation, and ask relevant questions.

Sometimes it helps to “show” children that an active listener is one who looks the speaker in the eye and is willing to turn the television off to make sure that the listener is not distracted by outside interference.”

• Second, become familiar with negative listening habits.

Your list of poor listening habits may include the following:

We miss the point -- our thoughts race along from four to ten times faster than most people speak. While we are waiting for the words to come in, the mind tunes them out.

We think we already know- we listen with just ‘half an ear.” We are busy listeners -- we try to listen while giving part of our attention to a computer, television program or video game. We ambush -- we listen carefully, but only to collect information to attack what the other person is saying.

We talk too much -- we are only interested in lecturing to our children.

We interrupt too much -- avoid cutting your child off before they have finished speaking.

• Third, be patient.

Greene observed: “As is the case in overcoming any deficit, the child with poor listening skills requires practice, patience, feedback, and affirmation for progress. The complexity of the instructions should be increased incrementally as your child demonstrates that her ability to decipher, understand, and remember verbal instructions is improving.

From time to time, turn the tables and ask your child to give you a series of instructions that you will then follow. This systematic procedure reinforces a basic fact of life: She must listen attentively to develop the first-rate auditory skills that are essential for success in school.”

Is your child listening? If your child can answer "yes," they are headed for greater success in school and in life.

Sincerely,